just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
