I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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