How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
