I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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