Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
