you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
