I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had sex on a roof
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
