Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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