I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
