Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
