Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
