We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
