yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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