I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
