is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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