I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
