i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
