I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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