I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize