I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
