I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
