So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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