so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
