maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
