and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
