I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Boobs speak an international language.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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