Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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