I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
