i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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