The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
