May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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