i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
