just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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