well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
