Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
