i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
