I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
