I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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