I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
