Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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