I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
