This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
