you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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