she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
