those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
