I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
