I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
