ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
