Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
