question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
