I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
