I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
