Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
