No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
