I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
