Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
