Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
