I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
