i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
