how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
