i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
