I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
