He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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