I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
