Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
